June 25, 2015

Tangspiration: The Other Side of Fear

Posted by roseannetangrs in Tangspiration

Hey Everyone,

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Life teaches you different things in stages and I’ve found that often, they’re a sum of our experiences and struggles. For me, I’ve been realising two things lately – what both “constant” and thinking positive really means.

I know it’s silly but I live alone and for the longest time I was scared of the dark. It’s a rather large house and my parents now live overseas. At times I would feel super scared and I would immediately hide under the covers after getting ready for bed, jumping at every single sound. But at other times, I felt totally safe – and the house was just an inatimate object I lived in. This fear was pretty annoying because sometimes I would have it, and sometimes I would not. And it clicked to me one day at the idea of constant. The house is actually constantly just a house, an inatimate object – not scary, just void of feelings or actual life. Yet, it’s my own perspetives and fear that almost bring it to life. It’s like a puppy that doesn’t know what you’re thinking but you are the one who either thinks of the puppy as evil or good but the puppy is just sitting there with wide eyes wondering what you’re thinking when all along you are the one determining your own fear. The house will always be constant, always but it’s my perspectives that change. In that way, I realise that fear could be just something that I have created, almost totally from my own silly little head for things that don’t even deserve that fear.

If we believe that God created us for a purpose and a path, then isn’t our life constant as well? Not constant in that it has no valleys and hills but constant in that the promise that we have been given is real and will remain forever. As an entrepreneur, not every day is instagram worthy and there are days when all I feel like doing is mope around wondering what I’m doing with my life. These days are dangerous – the thoughts that I have would urge me to quit what I am doing and to feel sad and forget the blessings that God has placed in my life. I’d be almost scared of these days, scared that in a week, I’d have at least one or fearfully, two. But why should I be scared? The path that God has designed me to lead has already been determined, it has already been made. Therefore, this path is indeed constant. No matter how many sad days I have, if I choose not to listen to them, life will carry on the way it always has and the way it always has intended anyway. I will still have that job tomorrow and the day after. I still have to show up at work. I will still feel happy again. I will still feel secure again. I don’t need to worry and I don’t need to be fearful. It’s just a hump in the road of a happy and exciting journey.

Speaking of fear, another thing that I have learnt is practicing the art of thinking the opposite of what I’m used to thinking – kinda thinking positive. Sometimes we aren’t even aware that we are thinking a particular thought over and over again.  It could be a “I look so fat” or that we can’t do this or we can’t do that. But what if we stopped ourselves and flipped the coin to think instead that we can do this and we can do that, and my body is beautiful and I am made whole again.

For me, I’m happy to announce that Bloom may soon move to it’s own rented location and for me, it’s a huge leap of faith simply because I’m by myself, funding myself and now I have to pay ahem a large sum of money per month and yes, the same questions keep occurring but although I keep thinking of the doom I might meet, I’ve been trying to stop myself  in my tracks and think “hey, what if I thought the opposite?”

Instead of “oh my gosh, how will I be able to cover this sum? Maybe I shouldn’t do this, am I crazy” – I’ve been practicing thinking the opposite – “If not now, then when? If I didn’t take this place, how will I grow? How will I take myself to the next level? Why aren’t I giving myself a chance”. Instead of thinking how much money you might be giving to your landlord and missing out on profit –  think instead how much you’d be missing out on life, on growth, on building your career and most of all pursuing a dream.

Sometimes we forget to ask ourselves what we really want in this life and who we want to become. For me, I want to be fearless in every sense of the word. I want to be strong and not easily swayed. I want to be firm, but still fair and kind. I want to be self-confident but humble and most of all, I want to be able to understand and achieve the true meaning of taking life by the reigns. I want to understand the true meaning of really valuing yourself. If I want something, I don’t want to ever be afraid to get it.

“There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
-Anaïs Nin

What have you been realising?

Love,
Roseanne

 

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